"Silently Screaming" By Penelope

6:30 PM

I could scream.

I would scream.
I want to go out and scream at the top of my lungs THIS IS CRAP!!

In this moment I have nothing inspiring or uplifting left. In this moment, I only have the silent scream.

The one that nobody hears but your own mind. Your lungs or heart, or very probably both, are expanding and constricting at the same time, the pain too much to bear.  But you can't scream, you can't let the tears burning your eyes fall, you can't take a timeout, they'll find you.
A thousand words struggle across your mind, things you should have said, you could have said, the things you are making your tongue bleed not to say.  No matter how hard you try, your mind keeps on replaying the moment that you have to change (is it your divorce, your last failed assignment, your custody battle?) You don't want to think about it, it's slowly killing you from the inside out. So you try not to think about the past anymore and you begin to think about the present. All the things that are wrong with the present that make you want to change the past.

Your child. . .and all the things you can not change.
Your child who got taken from you to live with the other parent.
Your child who has been abandoned, by both of his parents, because you did not say, could not say, and can never go back and say the right thing.  Because now the only thing that would save him, you can't afford.

And so you scream. Silently, painfully, unendingly, you scream.

There is no real lesson here, I just wanted you to know, I know.

This post has been sitting in my inbox from Penelope, waiting for the right time to post it. I love her honesty, it is not easy to pour your heart out like she does...... I love, support, and admire her!! She needs kind words and love, please send her some by leaving her an encouraging comment below!!
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About Amara Franklin

If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times... I LOVE MY LIFE. I have a great husband and the best little baby dudes in the world! I have found that raising twins is not so different than a singleton, just a little bit louder (and a lot more fun!). I look forward to going through this journey together... SUPER MOMS UNITE!


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