SAASM: Lesson One

I have been struggling with just how to go about introducing you guys to my life.  

Do I just throw the dirt on the table?
Do I want to come off whiny?  

Or how about strong?  

Do I want to talk about my beliefs?  

Do I want to baby daddy bash?  

Who do I want you guys to view me as?  

And so I have been putting off my first post for some time now considering exactly what I want to say.

The truth is I am, I say, and I do all of these things on any given day.  

So here's the dirt.  I have been pregnant 4 times and given birth to 3 beautiful and healthy babies.  My children are currently 8, 5, and 2 (3 at the end of this month).  My children all have different fathers and I do not kid when I say I have been a single mother for almost my entire parenting career, minus a terrible year spent with a psycho and the year my husband lived with us.  On future posts I will probably dive a bit deeper into how this situation came about, but for now I'll stick with this, all of my children were planned.  All of my children are well loved.  And although they wish they had a father in my home, they do not want for anything else.  I have always provided for them even when I could not provide for myself and they have absolutely no knowledge or memory of those daunting times.  They have always had lives filled with love, hope, and laughter.  

I have no doubt about the many, many times I have fallen short but I know this better than anybody, I AM AWESOME.  I am a great mother,  I try my hardest and learn from my mistakes.  If I could teach you anything about being a single mother or a mother at all, it is to know that YOU are awesome, and your kids won't remember those times you were not.  I like to call them my Bad Mommy Moments, and I tell you what, they have no clue!! Kids are oblivious to most things except for how truly they love their Mommies.  So set aside your self doubt, you are rocking this more than you could possibly ever know.  

Am I always so positive and self assured? Heck to the no!!  There are days I have to mentally count down the seconds until the kids go to bed and I can break down.  I am tired. I miss having a mate. I want nothing more than to lay in my bed at night and have a warm arm instead of a cold empty space. I hate it when my house starts to smell from dirty dishes, going to work kills me and I go through jobs like an after Easter sale on candy because of the pain of being away from my children. Sometimes I know my daughter has the nail polish and I choose to ignore it and deal with a bigger mess later than get off of Facebook (I'm getting better at this one!),  I poop and text all the time!, and even though I pretty much can't cry anymore because of some of the things I've been through I always feel tears just behind my eyelids begging to seep down and pool in my lap.  I'm still awesome, I'm just simply human. 

There is however, one thing I wish people would stop saying to me, "I don't know how you do it."  I am no saint (that's not true I am actually a Ladder Day Saint), but anybody could do my job if they had to.  Plenty of stay at home mom's in happy marriages taste my bitter cup daily.  We all experience grief, pain, joy, excitement, nail polish on the carpet, the murphy's law of just washed kitchen floors, melt downs, self doubt and a multitude of other things.  My job is not so different from that of any other mother.  I only ever notice I'm single after the kids go to bed and I'm sitting down by myself.  It's about the only time I even care.  Or else I just honestly don't know what I'm missing.  I do pray though that true love finds me soon and I'm not too cynical, at this point, to reach out and grab it.  I broke up with my last boyfriend a year ago in May so I'd say I've been doing some pretty hard time over here.  (Yes, I am totally writing this wondering if anyone reading this has a hot friend/brother they'd like to send my way!) I think the point I'm trying to get across here is back to that "You're Awesome" part.  Anybody can do what I do, and do a darn good job of it... 

That my ladies is your first lesson in Sanity as A Single Mother.  Know your self worth.  

By Penelope
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About Amara Franklin

If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times... I LOVE MY LIFE. I have a great husband and the best little baby dudes in the world! I have found that raising twins is not so different than a singleton, just a little bit louder (and a lot more fun!). I look forward to going through this journey together... SUPER MOMS UNITE!


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